Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
