Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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