you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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