Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
