i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize