Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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