You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
