sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You've changed since you got that strap on
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
