No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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