Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
