Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize