Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dear god my vagina.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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