i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she looked like the before picture.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
