Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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