You can't motorboat a personality
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
