Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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