I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
