what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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