Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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