I accidentally burped into my bong.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
