his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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