the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
