1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
