You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
