After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
how drunk are you?
Several
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
