Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
