I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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