Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
