Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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