this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
