Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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