Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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