this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
