i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
