Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
