Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
