Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
