I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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