We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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