I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize