My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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