Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
