When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
