i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
