We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
