This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
