Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
