Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
