oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
