Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
