Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
