The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
