Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
