Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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