smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
