I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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