Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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