I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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