well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
