I hate your face
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
