Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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