I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
