You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
