My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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