Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
