These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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