We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm like, not good at living.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
