i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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