You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
