My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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