I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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