i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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