Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I understand Curling. That high.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
