I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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