I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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