My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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