All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
