Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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