So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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