I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
