he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
