he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
