i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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