I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
