we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Found your dick twin last night
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Randomize
