This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
