its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
