Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize