your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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