i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if only i could text you this smell
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I cut my penus on the lid.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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