you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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