May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
