I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
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