just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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