Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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