I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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