Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
