I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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