Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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