no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
