the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
