So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I will pee on everything he values.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
