omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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