I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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