I wish I could punch you in the face.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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