1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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