sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
