i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
