He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
