ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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