They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
