So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
